Susan at Costco

Last Friday I went to Costco. For those of you who don't know me, I don't belong in Costco...For discount shopping, I belong in Pricewise on the UWS, a small store on 14th Street a stall in Chinatown, Daffy's or Filene's Basement - Not Costco.

The trip started with me angle parking the car, getting out and locating a cart. On the way in I thought, do I have my membership card with me? I stopped just outside the entrance to check while a herd of stretch-pant clad women almost flatten me. I put everything away and walk in.

As I enter, the "guard" barks at me, "WHERE IS YOUR CARD? I HAVE TO SEE YOUR MEMBERSHIP CARD... YOU CAN'T COME IN WITHOUT YOUR CARD" I get all flustered because I have been to Costco at least three times before and noone has ever asked me for a card until I went to check out. I start to sputter... A blonde woman with a pageboy hairdo and expensive loafers walks by with her card out with a knowing smile and says "Yes, you ALWAYS have to show your card!!!" I finally manage to retrieve it from my purse and show it to him.
I think - "What do I need to show the card for? What am I going to do in here without a card? Am I going to steal a huge box of Cheerios? What if I lost it/forgot it? Would they not replace it or give me a temporary card? What kind of customer service is this?"
If this was the city, I would have called the manager for being treated so roughly. I am disgruntled but I have to buy my huge size of Oxy. (when you have 13 month old triplets, Oxy is your best friend - so much so that you call it Oxy instead of OxyClean...)

I have my cart and start walking through the aisles. I look around at the people in the store. Most of them look old - older than their years. Many of them are in ill health. There is even a man in motorized chair. I wonder why are they here? Then I wonder why am I here? Oh yes to get the huge size of Oxy...Am I like these people? What has become of me?

I then pass through the center of the store and see the most amazing display. Next to the patio furniture, the grills, the charcoal briquets and starter fluid, there is a pallet of fireworks. It is almost up to the ceiling. What is it doing there? Aren't fireworks illegal? Oh, I am in Connecticut. They must be legal here but just 12 miles away in New York they aren't. This is confusing... Why are they next to the grills and starter fluid? Isn't that dangerous? Noone else seems to notice.

I really don't belong here....but I have to learn how to fit in... So, I continue my shopping thinking - I hate this but I don't know where else to get this stuff. I also hate to admit it but the Kirkland paper towels are the best I have ever found. The girlies love the organic animal crackers and then there is the huge size of Oxy that you can't get anywhere but at Costco. And the Organic Whole Milk is $9.99 for a gallon and a half. That would be $13 elsewhere. So I decide to compromise. I load up the cart with enough stuff to last a month so I don't have to do this again real soon. There has to be some place up here where I belong...oh yes, it is that pretty house in Pound Ridge. It has three beautiful little girls, a wonderful woman from Trinidad who takes care of them, my husband, my stepson and two cairn terriers who don't get along. That is where I belong and why I am shopping at Costco...