You Can't Please Everybody or Sometimes Anybody

Part observation on human nature and part rant

As my bio suggests to those who do not know me, I had a very busy full life before I got pregnant with my daughters. I was in graduate school, getting my PhD in Anthropology. I was teaching as an adjunct at Montclair State University AND at Hunter College. I also did some IT/Management consulting as the work came along. I was a busy person.

One of my activities was the formation of a local association of Practicing Anthropologists, NYAPA. It came about when I was at the American Anthropological Association (http://www.aaanet.org/) meeting in 2005. The national group, NAPA (http://www.practicinganthropology.org/about/), had a booth and was handing out literature about local practitioner organizations. I innocently asked, "Is there one in New York City?" I figured there had to be one because of all the business, medical research, international organizations that exist in New York. I got a funny answer - "Well, there used to be a group but there isn't one now. Would you like to help organize one? We can get you lists of national members by zip code." In my innocence, I said "Sure".

So I sent out flyers to the entire mailing list and each of the local graduate programs in the area asking them to post them on bulletin boards and their own elists. Our first meeting was held in conjunction with the Society of the Anthropology of North America (SANA) meetings. http://sananet.org/ A bunch of people gave presentations on their work and we held an organizational meeting right after. We had two or three more meetings after that, with me being the driver/organizer and then I got pregnant. . . . .
I was on bed rest for about 4 months (Feb - May 2007) and then the babies were here so I have been pretty much out of commission until very recently. In my absence, there was no activity - perhaps one meeting that I had arranged for from home. Well, in February, I woke up to getting back to the real world and decided to try to revive this group. So in February/March, I put out a call for suggestions for office space or meeting places (cafes, restaurants, etc.) and for someone else to help out with the arrangements - take over in other words.

Let me make this clear - this organization is NOT an ego trip of mine that I MUST do everything. I would be more than happy, even grateful if someone else would do something. If we held officer elections today and I wasn't elected, I would feel satisfied that I had taken the organization to where it needed to be - all grown up and independent. Now that isn't to say I wouldn't feel sad if I weren't elected or honored if I were... just that I don't have any particular attachment to driving the organization's activities myself.

Well after much discussion in March, nothing happened because I moved and there was no clear place to hold the meeting. The same thing happened again in May - lots of talk but absolutely no action on anyone's part. I tried a third time and this time someone suggested a place - NOTE - only ONE person suggested a venue out of over 4o people. So since that was the only suggestion, we went with it and tried to have a networking meeting last week. Well, we did have a networking meeting of 6 people when 10 RSVP'd. Two cancelled that day - after all people do have a life!!!!
We met at a place that could accomodate a large group without much trouble. It wasn't very expensive - we ordered wine and it was still $20 a person for dinner - a manageable amount even for a student, especially in Manhattan where buying a deli sandwich and a soda can be over $10.
The only thing that I didn't count on was the indifference of the Host at the restaurant. Apparently, there were people who showed up that couldn't find us. They asked the host and he said we were somewhere (this was after he told us where to stand). Yes, it was a crowded, loud, touristy restaurant. But it was relatively quiet when we sat down and we actually got to talk about our lives and our work. It was a good exchange for those of us at the table. All left saying we should do this again in September.
Well, the aftermath was not so rosy. Since then, I have gotten several irate and bordering on nasty emails about not being able to find our group. The gist of the messages has been that the organization was too disorganized and that they would not even dream of trying to go to another meeting. There was also a complaint that they offered their help to the "organization" several times and never heard back. At first I felt really awful that people showed up and couldn't find us. I still feel bad about it - the environment should be welcoming and accessible for idea exchange.

Now as the complaints are coming in, I am getting a little defensive myself. I am volunteering to help organize this. (note the operative word HELP) There isn't some paid staff to do all the work. It is me... and me alone. Criticism that is usually lodged at a nameless, faceless organization is coming directly at me and it is hurting my feelings. OK, so now what do I do? Well the only thing I can do is chalk it up to human nature, grow a thicker skin and get on to planning the next meeting...